I am a nerd.
I blush at the thought of being able to study and learn new things. Exams are exciting because I get to test my knowledge and gauge how well I studied or watch God perform in my uncertainty. Failure to me, once felt like listening to a sermon about me not being qualified. I would be reminded more about how I just was not good enough and probably would not amount to much. It was not until I learned to take my failures and use them as fuel to continue to persevere. I began to apply the lessons from past failings to overcome. I learned early on that every cause for discomfort does not make me the victim, nor does it mean that I would have to live my life from a victim perspective. It's easy to fall into the belief that others live highly successful lives, but the only reason we believe that is because that is all we are aware about and shown on social media.
I feared failure because I believed that it would define me and that I no longer had control over the situation. I was always used to things going my way by "my strength." I loved the esteem I got from being known as an intelligent person. I had used my success to measure my worth, which always failed to show me my true value. Your success is not a measure of your value because even the biggest of successes will never be enough to satisfy.
"Your success is not a measure of your value because even the biggest of successes will never be enough to satisfy."
Failure comes at a cost. It comes at the cost of your pride, patience and maybe even your peace. However, you must learn to CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE. Failure can be looked at as a learning experience. Failure has the ability to position you on the right path for your life. Sometimes a "no" from God is the best answer we could have ever received. Failure says more about God's better plans for your life than it does about your inadequacy to achieve something. Change your perspective. In retrospect, it is apparent how my so called "failures" were aligned perfectly and had to happen for me to be shaped into the person that I am today.
"Sometimes a "no" from God is the best answer we could have ever received."
Paul tells us to rejoice in trials and tribulations; failure feels like a tribulation. It wont always be pleasant, but the fruits that it produces IF you persevere, are always worth it. Failure is another opportunity for your faith to be tested. Don't give up.
"Failure is another opportunity for your faith to be tested."
Do you fall into the belief that the task before you is bigger than God? Well, I have come with pleasant news. That it is not the case and never will be! When we place the power of our trials above the power of God, we have debunked the sovereignty of God and have placed all authority in man made things.
Oftentimes, the plans we make for our lives aren't the ones that God particularly has for us. I have learned to be content sketching out my plans with a pencil and eraser close by, while allowing God to hold the permanent marker. You are not a failure if life is not going exactly how you planned it to go. God is still at work, even if you can't see it.
"God has the final say and placing Him first will allow you to see things from a position of peace, patience and hope."
Before graduating from college, I was faced with an exam that I believed determined my future. I put all of the time and effort in to study, lost a bunch of weight, excommunicated myself from friends and social media to focus and take my best shot at this exam. I prayed and continued to fight my anxiety and the disbelief that God was not big enough to allow me to pass. In those moments, I doubted God's plan for my life and in doing so I doubted His sovereignty. I failed the exam. My life felt like it was crashing down and I felt betrayed.. betrayed by God. I cried the whole day, literally! I couldn't see past the present and I think that is another reason why it is so important to rest on God who can see past that present ; He sees all and knows all. That failure changed my plans for the better. I have been blessed with an opportunity to attain my Masters in Clinical Social work at the Garland School of Social Work with scholarship offers. What I find humorous is that I applied to Baylor for undergraduate and was not accepted, but God saw it fit for me to be accepted four years later for Grad school instead. Before I was working based off of my own strength, but now I am working with God and allowing His grace to move on my behalf. Crystal can only do so much, but with God she can do unimaginable things and so can you! Don't give up beloved, be open to changes and continue to have faith and trust God. I hope my story and words of encouragement have given you the extra bit of motivation you need to surrender your plans to God and trust Him. (Two years later, I have a Master's degree, got married and work at a job that I love.. God's way truly is the best way).
Peace and Grace,